Irrational Fears; Good Tears

I read a story today about a firefighter that had fought one of the many fires around West Texas this week. The dry, windy conditions are awful for the fires getting out of control. Worse news is that some have been intentionally set. Elias Jacquez and fellow firefighters got caught in one of the blazes.  He was severely burned as told in this story by our local NBC affiliate.


In March our Leadership Lubbock class visited the city's Fire Department where I was went into a room full of smoke to find out first hand the value of heat-seeking equipment firefighters can use to find victims inside burning buildings. My two fears of enclosed spaces and dying in a fire combined into one terrifying moment for me that took the rest of the day to overcome. The smoke created by a smoke machine filled the room so I couldn't see anything or anyone, and the elephant of claustrophobia came in and sat on my chest. Then the panic of that brought on the extremely irrational thought of there being a real fire, real danger. My classmates were all around and I think I hid my panic well, but by internalizing it, I dwelt on it for hours into the night.


Long before being a member of the current Leadership Lubbock class and visiting the Timothy Harner Burn Center at University Medical Center (UMC) here in Lubbock, I knew about this valuable community asset as an employee of the advertising agency that handled awareness for UMC when their new facilities opened in 1997. 


Reading about Elias Jacquez today reminded me of visiting UMC's Harnar Burn Center in December and my phobias closing in on me last month. But it wasn't just the fire or Elias getting burned that touched me. It was what his wife said:  "I hope and pray to Jesus that he will give him the opportunity to be back out there." She said she is sure her husband would do it all over again. It blows my mind away to the point of tears to see this kind of courage. I think I'm tough by facing down irrational fears under controlled conditions. 


That all brings to mind why I love living here, even so far away from my own family, and why I love the opportunity of the Chamber's Leadership Lubbock class: it is the pervasive sense of community in West Texas that makes people not just survive here, but thrive here. From the hero firefighter and his courageous wife to leaders that work hard developing valuable assets for our region, I am honored to call them neighbors. 


I've heard a theory that the sense of community might be linked to the pioneering spirit of the first people of this area, knowing they could only survive this harsh place together. I feel that and it doesn't make me feel claustrophobic one bit.

Dagger's Rest

You thrust your dagger through me and smiled as I bled. 
One twist added more pain to my heart as it shred.
Looking past my green eyes, you watched me swallow tears.
In our next sweeping glances, we mirrored deep fears. 


Even only for a short while, reprieve at last
From the exquisite pleasure in that voice of cut glass.
Unforbidden feelings usually left unexpressed,
Thanks for this desperate day of a dagger's rest.