Beautiful summa cum laude

Video source via gluclax on YouTube


“Every day is so wonderful then suddenly it’s hard to breath. Now and then I get insecure from all the pain. I’m so ashamed. I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can’t bring me down.”

That’s how Christina Aguilera’s song “Beautiful” starts out. For almost a year now, whenever I hear it, the same person always comes to mind. I think of her often though I can count on one hand the number of times we have spoken at length.
 This special person struggles with several things including her weight. I know little detail of her struggles, but feel them run deep to the core of who she doesn’t want to be. And in spite of all of that, she is beautiful. She is a person of intelligence, integrity and love with a giving-spirit, gorgeous understanding eyes and a complexion to instill jealousy as only Hollywood can make us have.


Her self-esteem fluctuates from one of outstanding self-assurance to complete self-doubt though she may not even realize it. She has much to measure up to in her marriage to an almost perfect husband, whom absolutely adores her by the way. He is very smart, handsome, even-tempered and successful at almost everything he sets his mind to. How irritating. No, seriously.

For a person with little direction, little initiative for her career or life, the success of a spouse can be at the very least, a constant reminder of failure and struggle. No matter how supportive the husband is, no words overcome the differing levels. She struggles to overcome many emotions, physical pain and depression.

Though we share little about our lives, I feel a connection that pulls at me every time I hear of her struggles. That’s when I want to tell her she’s beautiful and sing this song for her.

(I wrote about her marriage some time ago in the little poem, J'ai vu beaute aujourd'hui at http://barebonesblather.blogspot.com/2010/04/when-stupidity-comes.html )

Our Mountain

Usually, when I close my eyes, I can see your face full of calm, focus and serenity. I count on it always being there.


A week of tears, bad sleep and apologies blur your face now, even when I close my eyes. I can’t focus and I can’t breathe if I can’t see your face.


So I go for a walk with my eyes closed. Trekking to the top of the mountain at pre-dawn, I hear your footsteps behind me. Filtered sunrise shadows us as we take our seats on the rocks facing each other. You speak and your voice helps form your face in my mind. Ah, there you are.


The sun rises at the sound of your voice and I see your face. By listening to your voice, I can hold your face in my mind through sad tears, heartbreak and work. Don’t stop talking. I don’t want to come down off the top of our mountain when I open my eyes.